Unseen & Unheard
Devalued & Belittled
Manipulated & Lied to
Gaslighted & Confused
Adored then Ignored
You’re probably dealing with a Toxic Person.
If you are here, you may be searching for answers about the behaviour of a lover, family member, coworker or friend.
When you find yourself googling words like boundaries, abandonment, closure, and pathological liar–you know that you’ve likely encountered a toxic person.
It may be difficult to understand exactly what you’ve been through (or are going through), but knowledge, acceptance, and discovering the roots of your patterns is the only way to free yourself of the pain and break the cycle for good.
Since what you’re dealing with is not the end of a regular relationship, no advice about healing after a loss of contact will help.
You were targeted by a con-artist who only pretended to establish a romantic relationship so they could manipulate you to get their needs met. This was not a relationship based on love, trust, and intimacy. The truth is, you were part of a transactional relationship.
“Narcissist” or “sociopath” is a term that commonly gets tossed around when describing a toxic person. As 15-20% of the population harbours learned narcissistic characteristics, you might not be wrong in your diagnosis–but a toxic person does not need to diagnostically fit on the typical Cluster B spectrum to cause immense pain or trigger any past childhood or abandonment traumas within you.
Emotional unavailability is the defining trait of a toxic individual. They may be adequately capable of empathy and comfort, but it will always be on their terms, and for their own best interests.
Contact comfort is a biological need as dominant as the need for food, water and sleep (this is why some people cannot eat or sleep after losing connection or being heartbroken). This need is not lost on the emotionally unavailable. They crave connection as well.
If it felt like your heart was ripped out of you chest, isolated, devastated, blindsided, devalued, desperate for closure, or potentially even suicidal after the loss of connection from another, that was not a normal relationship.
No matter how much friends and family may tell you “time will heal”, “they weren’t good for you anyways”, or to just “get over it already”, the addiction has already been established, the neural pathways set, and the void and pain it created in your life is indisputable.
Most patterns of behaviour are learnt–including the pattern of attraction towards toxic people. If you find yourself constantly thinking about, going back to, or attracting toxic relationships, you are stuck in a cycle that will continue until you identify, process and heal where the pattern began.
At a young age, when you expressed an emotion your caregivers didn’t agree with, they either:
Tried to instantly change our emotions (invalidated your feelings/gaslit).
Tried to leave until you felt better (abandoned you).
In our formative years when we’re learning what is right, what is wrong, and what “love” is, this unconsciously taught you two things:
You can’t trust yourself or your feelings, making you a prime target for manipulation.
Love feels like pain and abandonment.
Because of this, you probably feel unseen, unheard and misunderstood in the majority of your close relationships. This is an unconscious pattern, and since we make our decisions only about 10% of the time with our logical, rational evaluation, and 90% based out of our unconscious patterns and emotions, understanding all this is only a fraction of the battle.
We need to deal with the root trauma to ensure this never happens again.
After dealing with the past, we need to focus on the present and future. More often than not, because of being gaslit and emotionally (or physically) abandoned as a child, your sense of identity and what you want out of life is shaky, at best. You might not trust yourself to make the right decisions or unconsciously alter your personality and desires to ensure you’re never abandoned.
In session, as well as with your weekly homework consisting of information, quizzes, techniques and specific journal prompts, you will identify exactly who you are–your strengths and weaknesses, your communication style, and your goals and action steps towards what a successful life means to you.
We create the mind/body connection
We identify any limiting beliefs & neutralize them
We identify memory triggers & eliminate them
Install self compassion, boundaries & new self-image
Program in your authentic self & new routine
Learn quick State Breaker techniques that instantly stop an emotional reaction or craving that rewires the brain
Learn how & why a toxic person acts the way they do
Learn why you are attracted to them & how they pick their targets
I teach you how to spot and effectively react to manipulation and criticism
Learn the vital importance of certain mood altering factors
Identify your strengths & weaknesses in depth & learn how to build upon them
Learn how to legitimately love & integrate ALL aspects of yourself with a simple process
Learn your Love Language® & how to effectively communicate your truth to anyone
Learn a fun psychological game to play with others to sniff out toxic people
I teach you how to identify what you really want in life & how to program your mind to get it
Learn how to take control of your thoughts & actions
Learn how motivation works on a neurological level & how to properly create new habits to set yourself up for success
I teach you a technique you can use nightly that will eliminate any blocks you may have in other areas of your life
I guarantee I will put 100% of my effort towards extinguishing the pain and restoring your confidence with my skills, techniques and processes.
My goal is for you to rebuild your life feeling capable & confident, and to give you the most effective techniques & vital information to heal rapidly.
Sessions are done via Skype, so I can help you no matter where you’re located in the world.